One of the numerous questions we often get from women is why does he pull away?
It is the most devastating feeling.
You try to dismiss it. You try to rationalise it. But you know exactly what’s going on…he is pulling away from you. And this is not so terrifying on its own. What fuels the pit in your stomach is your perceived reason for why he is doing it. You’re frightened it means that he’s interest in you is dwindling and he might leave.
The worst part is he won’t talk to you about it, but he seems withdrawn and emotionally closed off. Each time you ask him, he just brushes you off and makes you feel like you’re a pain in the neck… which only makes you feel bad in your heart. He may appear to be there physically, but emotionally he seems very far away. It’s not always easy to put your finger on what’s going on.
And you beat yourself up over what you possibly could have done to push him away, but you can’t help but think of the worst case scenario.
Ok, just chill! It’s not as bad as you think and it isn’t that difficult getting things back on track I can assure you.
Why Does He Pull Away
Before delving into what to do when a man pulls away, let us talk about why they do it in the first place. It could be for one of the following reasons:
1. It may not be your fault
Maybe he took a financial loss, or he’s having family or health problems, or maybe he’s stressed at work. For whatever reason, it has nothing to do with you. When men are emotionally off balance or stressed, they typically prefer to handle it on their own. This is why he may not open up to you and talk about it.
2. You did something that’s causing him to pull away
Maybe you’ve been extra needy, may be you aren’t giving him space when he needs it, maybe your insecurities are running wild or maybe you were rude to his best friend. One way or the other, you did something that he found displeasing.
3. He’s uncertain about the relationship
What if he’s genuinely losing interest? This is every woman’s worst case scenario. Well, if he’s pulling further away, and it’s been going on for a while, that might be what’s going on.
What To Do When He Pulls Away
When we experience this distance it can be very confusing and it may not be what we want but it also may be a gift that we are unwilling to accept. When this confusing dynamic happens there are some very important points to remember:
1. Talk to your partner
Start by talking with your partner and ask if something’s wrong. Say something like “It feels like there’s been some distance between us, is everything ok?” that should open the lines of communication. You can then find out if there is an issue between the two of you, if it is work problem or if something else on his mind. It’s possible that he’s upset with something in the relationship and has withdrawn rather than confront it. While withdrawing isn’t the best sign of emotional maturity, it’s still possible that a useful dialogue can ensue. It’s also possible that this dialogue will lead to a remedy that brings you two closer. If he doesn’t open up, you can’t force it, just let him process his business in his own way.
2. Don’t stress about it
I know you’re scared. I know you’re worried. But feeding into these feelings will just give them more power over you and they will just make the problem worse. Stressing is a total relationship ruiner. Not to mention mood and self-esteem killer. Like I mentioned earlier, most of the time when a man pull away, it has nothing to do with you. This is just how men prefer to deal with stress and difficulties. Unlike women, when they are having a hard time, they seek out those closest to them for support. This is what makes them feel cared for and just talking about the problem somehow makes it better even if they don’t reach a solution.
Men aren’t like this. They are conditioned to appear strong and in control so it’s not easy for them to be so vulnerable with women. They don’t see a point in talking about problems for the sake of it.
Check out – Stressing in Dating & Relationships? 6 Ways to Stop it.
3. Give him space
When you see your man pulling away, first off… give him some space, and resist the temptation to flood him with calls, text messages or the dreaded pop-in, as his distance might have nothing to do with you at all.
Do not go after him, if you do, you will push him further away! It is an energy dynamic similar to opposite ends of a magnet. Another thing to remember is that real men do not like needy women. So don’t be a needy woman who is pushing her partner away.
An important point is that if he pulls away he’s implying that he needs space so respect that and give it to him.
The tough part?
Giving him the freedom and the space to share with you what’s really going on with him, even if what he shares with you is not what you want to hear.
As hard and confusing as it is, you need to know that this is his issue not yours. Always, when we get into relationships all of our baggage from the past gets activated. For a lot of people, their fear of being hurt gets ignited and they pull away. Both men and women do this! If he’s not fully healed from a past wound, or if he needs to be unattached / unburdened for a while longer, you may need to relax and give him the space to experience life as a solo man for a while, tough as that is to hear.
Most importantly, be warm, kind, compassionate and supportive, because you want to be the one he can and will come back to when he’s ready.
Discover The “Secret Currency” of Happy Relationships.
4. Be available but don’t be overbearing
If you pester him to open up and talk to you, he will just move farther away. Nagging, begging, pleading, and threatening him won’t work.
Yes, I know you want to know what’s going on in his head and you think he should talk to you, but this isn’t the way to go about it.
All you need to do is let him know you’re there for him and then just leave it alone. If he comes to you and asks for your advice, then, by all means, share your thoughts, but only if he asks.
If he isn’t opening up just lovingly tell him, “I’ve noticed something has been on your mind lately and you’re not yourself. I just want you to know I’m here if you want to talk or need anything.” Follow that with an affectionate gesture and then just leave it alone. If he wants to talk to you, he knows how to find you.
And you don’t need to keep reminding him you’re there if he wants to talk. Once is enough! After that, try not to stew in anger or bitterness. Just let him be.
5. Focus on Yourself
This is what will help you get the love you want. Focus on yourself and your happiness.
Stop worrying about what you did to turn him off and push him away. If you acted needy, then try to get to the root of the behavior and correct it. If you didn’t do anything needy and you were your true authentic self with him … then he probably just isn’t the right guy for you and it wasn’t a match.
I know a guy pulling away can have a devastating impact on your self-esteem but if you internalize these negative feelings, they will just cause problems for you in future relationships. Use this time to rediscover what you love about yourself and to realize why you’re a catch and would be an amazing relationship partner to the man that is worthy of you.
I hope this article helped you better understand exactly what to do when a guy pulls away. But there’s only so much one article can cover. The fact is, most men pull away at some point in the relationship. And the way you react can determine if he will end it for good, or come back and be even better.
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