Rebound Relationships makes the process of getting your ex back complicated. But truth be told, it’s extremely hard to not panic when you find out your ex is in a new relationship. I usually tell my readers and my clients that they should not worry about their ex’s rebound because the relationship will most likely end soon.
Knowing that your ex is in someone else’s arm, how can you not panic?
Here you are, waiting, doing nothing and doing no contact, when you know your ex is getting close to someone else?
When you know your ex can be kissing their new partner this very moment?
When you know they could be having sex with their rebound this very moment?
How do you cope with that?
I have written this article to help those who are experiencing this right now. You will find answers to pretty much every question you may have about your ex and his or her rebound. I am going to teach you exactly what to do if you find out your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend is in a rebound. I will teach you how to get your ex back if they are in a rebound. I will show you how to interpret the common patterns of a rebound relationship. And I am going to teach you how to stop panicking when your ex is in a rebound relationship.
Content:
- Definition of a Rebound Relationship
- 11 Reasons Why Your Ex Started a Rebound Relationship?
- What NOT TO DO if your Ex is in a Rebound Relationship
- What To Do If Your Ex Is In a Rebound Relationship
What Is a Rebound Relationship?
A rebound relationship is a relationship that is started soon after a breakup. The term “rebound” in rebound relationship means that you are still recovering from your romantic breakup and you started a new relationship before you could fully recover.
Mental healthcare and most relationship experts believe that rebound relationships are an ineffective and unhealthy way to heal from a breakup.
However, there may be some benefits to rebound relationships as shown by some studies. Although, most of these studies have some limitations that we will discuss below.
Here is what these studies have found so far about rebound relationships.
a) The self-esteem of a person can be improved by a rebound relationship. If your ex is in a rebound relationship, then they will not be lonely, and they will not feel insecure about themselves because they know they can attract new partners.
b) The quality of the rebound relationship matters. If your ex’s new relationship is healthy and exciting, they are more likely to get over the past and focus on the new.
c) The longing for an ex is inversely proportional to the quality and commitment of the new relationship. If your ex longs for you and thinks about you a lot, they are less likely to commit to the new relationship.
Similarly, if your ex is willing to commit to the new relationship, then there is a chance they don’t long for you as much as you long for them.
d) A rebound relationship can help anxiously attached individuals to focus on someone new and let go of an ex-partner.
e) There is no conclusive study done on the length of a rebound relationship and how likely it is to end. Until now, most relationship experts believe that rebound relationships don’t usually last long especially if your feelings for your ex are still unresolved.
It is to be noted that most of these studies have their shortcomings and limitations. Even the authors of these studies acknowledge these shortcomings. For example, in one study, the author claimed that these studies had samples of only college aged individuals and that people at this age have shorter relationships and they usually have a habit of jumping from one short relationship to another.
In my opinion, some of the findings of these studies can be true. But it will be wrong to assume that these findings will be true all the time in all the cases.
Some Reasons Why Your Ex Started a Relationship after the breakup:
One of the biggest question most people have in their mind is why did they do it? More precisely, questions like,
How could my ex start a relationship so soon after the breakup?
Do they not love me anymore?
If they can move on to someone else so quickly, does this mean my ex never loved me?
Will my ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend forget about me now that they have a new romantic partner?
These questions can be infuriating. Just the thought of your ex never truly loving you can feel like dagger piercing your heart. Like the reality you believed in all along was just a sham.
You will be glad to know these thoughts are not exactly true. In fact, if your ex started a relationship soon after the breakup, it does not mean that they no longer love you. It does not mean that the relationship they had with you was a sham. In fact, if they are in a rebound relationship, it’s most likely because they are in pain as well.
In this section we will discuss the intentions or the 11 reasons your ex may have had for starting a new relationship so soon after the breakup. Understanding these reasons can help you calm down a little bit about the rebound relationship and figure out your next moves.
1. The Pain Was Too Much
One of the most common reasons for an ex to start a new relationship too soon is because the breakup pain was too much to handle. Even if they broke up with you, they still suffer through the grief that one feels after losing someone special in their life. They made a logical (or emotional) decision to end things with you, but the mind and body still goes through the withdrawal symptoms that most people feel after a breakup.
To most people, a new relationship feels like a logical solution to the breakup pain. They think that if they just replace you with someone else, the breakup pain will go away. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Sure, it distracts them and the euphoria that comes with the honeymoon phase of the new relationship can make them feel like everything is great. But it’s like putting a bandage on a broken bone. It might give you temporary relief, but it doesn’t always help you get over your ex.
2. To fill an emotional need in their life
When an ex starts a relationship with someone immediately after a breakup, sometimes it’s to fill an emotional need that they have.
A lot of people depend on their partner to feel good about themselves. For example, you may be insecure about your looks and need a constant assurance that someone finds you attractive enough to be with you. Without that assurance, you may feel like something important is missing from your life.
3. To Satisfy Their Sexual Desires
Sometimes, your ex may get into a new relationship just because they miss having sex. Sex is a lot more important for some people than others. It could be an emotional need or a physical one. But if sex is important for them, they will try to find a partner as soon as possible after the breakup.
If they get into a new relationship because of sex, the new relationship is most likely shallow and will not last long. As soon as the sex gets boring, your ex will breakup with the new boyfriend or girlfriend and look for something else.
4. To replace the role of someone important in their life
If you were an important part of your ex’s life, then your ex may try to replace that part as soon as possible. Especially if they needed you to live a comfortable and safe life. For example, suppose you were driving your ex to their work every day and without you, they have to spend an extra hour commuting through public transport. Your ex may try to find a new boyfriend as soon as possible so they don’t have to go through the trouble of using public transport.
Similarly, if you were supporting your ex financially, they may try to replace you as soon as possible because they feel they need someone to take care of them financially.
5. To make you jealous
Your ex may just be trying to make you jealous by getting into a new relationship too fast. They may be trying to “win” the breakup or they may be trying to get you to do something needy/desperate. If this is the case, then your ex is most likely very immature, and they will most likely end the relationship once they realize that it’s not working to make you jealous.
6. To force themselves to move on
A lot of people believe that the best way to move on from a breakup is to start a new relationship as soon as possible. They sometimes force themselves to start dating again after the breakup in hopes that the new relationship will help them forget about you. This is actually a common thing in short term relationships in college aged individuals. In fact, they may have found a rebound relationship helpful when they used to have short term relationships and it was easy to get over an ex.
But this does not usually work in long term relationships when you were seriously attached to your partner. If you had a strong connection with your ex, then they won’t get over it anytime soon, no matter how they force themselves to move on.
7. To show the world (and you) that they are happier now without you
Some people care a lot more about what others think than what is truly happening inside them. Your ex may just want to show the world that they are moving on and decide to get into another relationship. Some of them believe in the “fake it till you make it” ideology and want to act like they are okay with the breakup and have never been happier.
8. To date casually
For some people, dating is an exciting and rewarding experience. Your ex may just enjoy dating casually and they may be excited to get back in the dating game. If your ex is like this, they will most likely not define their new relationship as something serious. They will most likely not get exclusive with anyone and will just date around for a while.
9. They had someone lined up or they were cheating on you with someone else
In a lot of cases, an ex will start a relationship with someone they cheated on you with or with someone they had lined up well before the breakup. If an ex starts a relationship with someone, they cheated on you with, it’s still most likely a rebound but you should think very carefully before you even try to get them back. I highly recommend you do no contact for at least two months before attempting reconciliation with them.
10. They want to explore (or they have the grass is greener syndrome)
Grass is greener syndrome is when a person breaks up with you thinking they can do better than you. In most cases, this is because they didn’t have enough experience in the dating department and they feel if they don’t date enough, they will always wonder if they could do better.
If an ex starts a relationship immediately after the breakup because they had the grass is greener syndrome, then they are most likely not going to get into a serious relationship anytime soon and the new rebound relationship will not last long.
11. They are ready to move on
In some rare cases, an ex will start a new relationship immediately after a breakup because they feel they are ready to move on. If they are really serious about moving on, they will probably choose a partner that is good for them and they will make an effort to make the new relationship work. If an ex does this, it’s most likely because they don’t feel a strong connection with you after breaking up with you. Perhaps the reason for the lack of connection is a short relationship or that they felt disconnected from you for a very long time.
Read Also: Common Patterns And Signs of A Rebound Relationship
Some Mistakes To Avoid If Your Ex Is in a Rebound Relationship:
1. Freaking Out When You Find Out About the Rebound
You may have found out about the rebound relationship through common friends or family or you may have found out about it directly from your ex. But as soon as you find out about it, your gut reactions will most likely be to panic and figure out a quick way to make them breakup with the rebound and get back with you.
I’ve written about this repeatedly in many articles. Freaking out when your ex starts dating someone else is a huge mistake. After all, if your ex is important to you and you still have strong feelings for them; there is a good chance they have strong feelings for you as well. And if they have strong feelings for you, then their new relationship is most likely a rebound and it will end sooner or later.
So, if you find out that your ex is dating someone else, don’t freak out. Don’t start calling them and texting them endlessly. Don’t let your instincts take over you. Don’t do anything needy or desperate because it’s only going to push your ex towards their rebound.
2. Trying to tell them that it’s a bad idea to date the rebound
One of the common reactions after finding out that your ex is dating someone else is calling them and telling them how bad the new rebound is for them. Your panicked mind may want to try to convince your ex with logic that the rebound guy or girl is bad for them. But the more you try to convince them to not pursue the new relationship, the more they will want to pursue it.
Your ex does not want you to tell them how to live their life. And if you do, they will be inclined to do the exact opposite of what you tell them.
3. Trying to convince their friends or family to talk to them
If you are close to their friends and family, you may have the temptation to try to get your ex’s friends or family to tell them that the rebound is a bad idea. Again, it’s a mistake because it is pretty much the same as telling them what to do.
Except this time, it will be coming from their friends and family. And if they find out that you tried to get their friends and family against them, it’s just going to backfire really bad and your ex will think that you are really manipulative and controlling.
4. Stalking Your Ex about the Rebound and Its Status
OK, so you convinced yourself that you should not try to contact your ex or freak out. You start the no contact rule and cut off contact with your ex. But that does not mean you shouldn’t keep tabs on your ex and his/her new relationship. Right? What if they breakup? Wouldn’t it be the perfect moment to contact your ex?
WRONG.
Stalking your ex and keeping constant tabs on him/her is a big mistake. It’s a mistake because it stops you from actually focusing on things that will help you get your ex back after no contact. Remember, no contact rule does not work unless you make it work for you.
5. Obsessing Constantly About the Rebound and What It Could Mean
Look, I get how hard it is to deal with the fact that your ex is dating someone else. And any type of information that can help calm your mind down feels like a god send. That’s the reason I am writing this article to help you understand rebound relationships and get a realistic view about what can happen in the future.
But some people take this to extremes. They constantly keep searching about rebound relationships, watching YouTube videos about them and just basically driving themselves crazy trying to find some piece of information that will reassure them that this is not the end that they still have a chance to get back together.
The truth is, the more time you spend obsessing over your ex and their rebound relationship, the less time you are spending on doing things that will actually help you get your ex back. So, if you are still thinking about your chances take this quiz which will tell you your realistic chances of getting your ex back. And read this article about exactly what you should do to get your ex back or get your ex-girlfriend back. Bookmark the articles or print them out if need be. And take action on the advice in those articles because unless you take action, your chances of getting your ex back are slim.
What to Do When Your Ex Is Dating Someone New?
1. Understand and Accept the Situation You are in
There is no denying you are in a tough spot right now. Rebound relationships do complicate things when you are trying to get your ex back. But in most cases, they are not a big deal.
That being said, you should use this time and opportunity to try to accept the situation you are in. There is always a chance you will not get your ex back. There is always a chance your ex’s rebound relationship will turn into a real relationship. And that’s okay. Because no matter what happens in the future, you are going to be alright as long as you choose to be happy and healthy.
Speaking of happy and healthy, your goal should be a happy and healthy life. May it be with your ex or without your ex. I know right now you may feel like it’s impossible to happy without your ex. But that’s not really true. You have the capacity to be happy if you make the choice to be happy. So, try to accept that you may never get your ex back and make a choice to be happy and healthy no matter what happens in the future.
2. Give Yourself and Your ex some space
If you’ve read my super articles on getting your ex back or getting your ex-girlfriend back, then you probably know I recommend no contact after a breakup. Even if your ex is in a rebound relationship, you should do no contact for a while and focus on yourself. So, if you have not started no contact till now, consider starting it as soon as possible. If you are still in contact with your ex, tell them that you need some space and time for yourself and you would like to stop contact between the both of you for a while.
3. Get Help from a Professional
There is nothing better than telling your story to an expert and getting their opinion on what you should do
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